What a day.

Today beat me up, shoved me to the ground and called me a w-e-e-n-i-e.  The day began at 7:50 this morning and is just now coming to a god blessed close.  At least I hope.  I’m pretty sure I could bet you one hundred dollars that I will be cleaning bodily fluids throughout the night and come out the winner.  I don’t even have a hundred bucks to bet and I would still bet you!

And that statement right there sets the tone over the last 13 hours of this cra-zy day.  In fact, I sent a text message to my friend Crystal around ten this morning:

Get this.  Rori’s diaper leaked on the couch so I took her to the kitchen to clean her up when Scout runs in screaming about his mouth and throat.  I pick him up but he is fighting me and screaming a fit so bad that it would make a two year old blush.  So anyway, I take him to the trash can where he starts to puke.  However, that freaked him out even worse–he tried to runaway which led to a huge puke scene all over the dang floor and himself.  So now I have a whole new mess to clean!  So I start with him, then the throw up.  Then I clean Rori and get her changed. Then I scrub the sofa.  Then I clean myself.  Bubba is so lucky he works on days like this.

Now put this scene on repeat, add a whole lot of diarrhea and you have my ENTIRE day.  I was fed up with it all by the time Bubba came home and I told him that for once I wish he would be stuck with sick kids by himself and do nothing but clean their mess.  I say this because Bubba is NEVER home when the kids are sick!  Ever!  (That’s a whole other whine fest)

Anyway, I left for the gym to blow off my day.  Forty minutes into my workout I receive this text from my husband:

Payback was sent.  I started to make dinner and Scout and Rori started fighting over the bathroom.  Scout was already in there and I told Rori to wait just a minute and I hear a huge fart.  Rori is like, “GROSS” and opens the door to find that Scout somehow exploded all over the toilet seat AND the side of the toilet, AND the floor AND the wall.  Not much on him though.  Almost like he blew right before sitting down.  Then I inadvertently clogged the toilet by using TP to clean the mess right away.  Wow.  It really blew up on me fast.


Poor kid repeated that episode two more times before finally falling asleep.  (Despite my day, my heart can’t help but ache for the little ones when they’re sick) I hope he feels better tomorrow.  He obviously has some sort of virus.  Hopefully I can keep it from spreading to anyone else in the house too! 

Clean, clean, clean.

I almost forgot to tell you the event that broke this camel’s back.  I bent over to pick up a bottle of shampoo and threw out my back.  I’ve been sitting here on the couch with a heating pad wondering if I will be able to walk when I try and get up.  Back pain is no joke! 


Parental Nightmares

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At some point, every parent has that nightmare that one day their toddler will wake up before they do and destroy the house while their still blissfully sleeping.  It happened years ago once with Nathan.  I woke up to him smashing a carton of eggs one by one onto the kitchen floor, giggling as he dropped each one.  Have you ever tried to wipe up a dozen eggs at seven in the morning?   

Today I experienced an awful deja vu.  I had an instant panic attack the moment I woke up to an empty bed and an opened bedroom door.   (The fact that he still sleeps with us is a whole other post.)  Nevertheless, I instantly ran down the stairs knowing good and well it wasn’t going to be a pretty sight.

Sure enough, this is what I saw…
My naked toddler trying to crawl underneath our coffee table, which happened to be covered in water and about one half of the contents from our silverware drawer.  He held a gleaming silver object in his hand which he excitedly asked me, “What’s dis!!?”

Me:  “That’s a nutcracker, baby.” 

I can’t shake off the irony there.  Nude boy holding a pair of nutcrackers.  That’s just funny stuff!

Me:  “Where are your clothes?”

Scout:  “—-rakdhf;hsldkja”  just a bunch of ramble.

Me:  “Alrighty, then.”
I looked around the living room, dining room, and kitchen with no results.  This could only mean one thing—He managed to break through all baby proofing and slip into the bathroom.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself. 

Yep.  There sat his clothes in a pile, dirty diaper in the floor, drawers opened and their contents emptied onto the floor.  And pee pee all over the toilet.

His morning was certainly full adventure!  And my morning was full of cleaning!

The day didn’t get any better, btw.  The babies managed to break into the upstairs bathroom while I was cooking my breakfast.  I found my very expensive—I can only afford once a year—facial powder spilled onto the floor.  Mascara—gone. 

Then I had the splendid idea to take all three kids to Wal-Mart to pick up five things.  “It will be a quick trip!”  I assured myself.

hahahahahaha!  That is the laughter coming from the cosmos. 

I pulled into a jam packed parking lot, and every instinct I have told me to turn around and go home.  But I didn’t listen.  I obviously felt that herding three chickens inside a store during a holiday week was the best idea I had all year.  One hour later, I emerged from the store doors. 


I was done with motherhood by the end of the night.

Mail Delivery

It feels rare to receive something for free in the mail these days, but a couple of days ago, it happened.  Even so, I can’t keep the package for myself.  It will soon be on its way to Texas to a dear friend of mine who recently delivered her second child.

(And if you are the said friend, then please stop reading. It will spoil the surprise. lol.)

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What is in the package, you ponder?  It is a few Spark Cards that a New Jersey-ian named Hillary is sending out for FREE.  She hopes the cards will encourage conversations between other mothers, and then leave them behind for others to find and use.  Spreading the free gift, if you will.  Have you heard of Hillary from the, Longest Shortest Time?  Her podcasts range from humorous to heartfelt and will make the days that you feel totally insane—sane, after all.  Her primary message is that no matter what phase of motherhood you’re in, you’re not alone in the trials you may be going through. 





If you’re interested in her podcast, you can easily find her on iTunes.  I use this app for my podcasts.

If you want your own spark cards delivered to your mailbox, then you can find the form here.

If you want to know more about why she does what she does, then go here.

Just for the record, I don’t know Hillary, and she has no idea that I’m writing this. I just think she is cool. 🙂

DSC_0303-2the shortest longest time 2